The Genius of Sid Waddell

The World Darts Championship is always a great highlight of the sporting year. As well as top class, exciting sport, the event also provides a golden opportunity to listen to the razor sharp Geordie wit of Sid Waddell. Sid probably has more memorable moments in one session than the average commentator has in a lifetime. My personal favourite is this one:

“When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more kingdoms left to conquer… Bristow is only 27.”

And there are plenty more where that came from. Enjoy:

“If we’d had Phil Taylor at Hastings against the Normans, they’d have gone home.”

“Bristow reasons . . . Bristow quickens … Aaahhhhh, Bristow.”

“He’s about as predictable as a Wasp on speed”

“Look at the man go, its like trying to stop a water buffalo with a pea-shooter”

“The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in, with a portion of chips… you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them”

“Big Cliff Lazarenko’s idea of exercise is sitting in a room with the windows open taking the lid off something cool and fizzy.”

“His eyes are bulging like the belly of a hungry chaffinch”

“That’s the greatest comeback since Lazarus.”

“Under that heart of stone beat muscles of pure flint.”

“He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave.”

“The pendulum swinging back and forth like a metronome”

“His face is sagging with tension.”

“He’s been burning the midnight oil at both ends.”

“That’s like giving Dracula the keys to the blood bank”

“The players are under so much duress, it’s like duressic park out there!”

“John Lowe is striding out like Alexander the Great conquering the Persians”

“By the time of the final on Sunday he should be fit to burst!”

“There’s only one word for that – magic darts!”

“I don’t know what he’s had for breakfast but Taylor knocked the Snap, Crackle and Pop outta Bristow”

“Even Hypotenuse would have trouble working out these angles”

“Steve Beaton – The adonis of darts, what poise, what elegance – a true roman gladiator with plenty of hair wax.”

“Eat your heart out Harold Pinter, we’ve got drama with a capital D in Essex.”

“He’s playing out of his pie crust.”

“They won’t just have to play outta their skin to beat Phil Taylor. They’ll have to play outta their essence!”

“Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall body strength.”

“There’s no one quicker than these two tungsten tossers…”

“Phil Taylor’s got the consistency of a planet… and he’s in a darts orbit!”

“The atmosphere is a cross between the Munich Beer Festival and the Coliseum when the Christians were on the menu.”

“Steve Beaton, he’s not Adonis, he’s THE donis”

“One hundred and eighty, divided by three, is one dart at a time”